7 tips to recover after a hard emotional blow
Break in love, death of a loved one, dismissal; all wounds, sometimes very deep, which must be managed in this delicate period.
Although we know that no one is immune to a strong blow, it is when they knock on our door that we realize how difficult it is to face it. Difficult, but not impossible when you have certain keys.
1. Don't try to bury what you feel
It is normal to feel overwhelmed by emotions after a hard blow: to be afraid of loneliness when you are separated or of insecurity when you have just been fired, to be sad when you have lost a loved one or a miscarriage.
So it is very important not to try to bury your emotions, but on the contrary, because we are human, to allow yourself to feel them when they arise, to let your tears flow, to openly express your pain or dismay. Says Stéphany Pelissolo, psychologist.
However, specifies her colleague Olivier Douville, "we are not obliged to express to everyone what we are experiencing, but at least to trusted people who can be moved by what we are experiencing and to share it."
2. Don't fall into the trap of blame
"I should have been more available to my missing father", "more loving to my ex-spouse." For Olivier Douville, "whatever the hard blow, guilt is a very bad answer because it is linked to an ideal of perfection that is very destructive to self-esteem and morals."
How to avoid it? "Opening a debate with oneself to put in perspective the true part of what you blame yourself with its false part, the part that is born of idealization. In other words, recognizing that yes, we were not always very available, loving, efficient or attentive but we also did what we could at that time and that it would have been difficult for us to do better or more.
3. Avoid isolation
Even if you have to work a little, it is very important to continue having a social life but, as Olivier Douville specifies, ordering your relationships: "During this difficult period, it is better to avoid those that return us to our guilt, and to approach those, reliable, They can understand our difficulties, pamper us, offer us their support and tenderness. And even if their goodwill seems uncomfortable or imperfect at times, it can do us good. "
4. Short-circuited negative thoughts
Often after a hard hit, our brain is assaulted by negative thoughts that spin around and only accentuate the anxiety: "Anyway, it sucks", "It always falls on me" "At such times, suggests Marion Aufseesser, psychologist You really have to manage to "unplug" your brain and replace these automatic negative thoughts with more positive ones. "
For example, she quotes, looking in her past situations that had also been difficult, then identifying those from which we had come out best to analyze the resources we had deployed to overcome them. And don't hesitate, if you can't, to "change your glasses", that is, ask a loved one who you know is quite positive in life what they would do for us. "
Doing relaxation or sophrology sessions can also help: "By stimulating the nerve center for relaxation, these techniques allow better handling of negative emotions when they arise at inappropriate levels and times."
5. Maintain your lifestyle and habits
Also very important: keep doing the daily things that we give importance to: putting on makeup or shaving every morning, taking care of the house, cooking and continuing with activities that made us feel good, such as sports, gardening, painting. "This allows, even if you don't want to, maintain a positive image of yourself and prevent sadness from turning into depression", insists Stéphany Pelissolo. On the other hand, "starting a new learning, however beneficial it may be, is not necessarily easy when you are not doing well." Better explore it later.
Similarly, we must strive to keep schedules as regular as possible: "Our body is governed by a number of very precise" laws ", particularly those that govern our physiological rhythms, recalls Dr. Frédéric Chapelle, psychiatrist. therefore, it is important, even in situations of confusion, to respect them with regular meal times, bedtime and getting up. "
6. Give yourself time
"Wanting to show yourself or others that you are capable of immediate recovery, as if you were insensitive to the event, seems like a bad idea to me," says Olivier Douville.
The grieving process, in particular, can take several months without being abnormal.
Even after losing your job, a break may be necessary: "If you are looking for a new job immediately after being laid off, you risk breaking your nose because even with a good CV and a well-written cover letter, it's about allor your negative energy that will emerge: anger, denial, victimization ", emphasizes Marion Aufseesser.
7. Welcome changes
It is difficult, but accepting that things and life will not be the same is an inevitable step on the road to rebuilding. And although in general they are painful because they have been suffered, these changes can sometimes also initiate more positive ones: "I see patients who, after a break from which they thought they would never recover, realize that they are capable of to live for themselves, to open up to others, to undertake new activities, to start over on different bases and more in harmony with themselves, "Dr. Chapelle testifies.
"Although it is not easy, a dismissal can also be an unexpected opportunity to take stock of oneself, to discover a vocation or skills that had not seen and, from there, to open up to retraining possibilities that we could have missed", observes Jean-François Vézina, psychologist and psychotherapist.
Should we consult a specialist?
It is normal, in the days and weeks after a painful event, to have anxiety, difficulty sleeping, a significant decrease in libido, loss or, on the contrary, an increase in appetite. "But if they last more than two or three months, you really have to talk to your doctor," insists Olivier Douville, a psychologist.