I have no patience: how do I learn to stay zen?
Is it a torment to wait for you? At first annoying, do you get angry quickly? Where does impatience come from? How to temporize it? Explanations and good advice from a clinical psychologist.
In traffic jams, in the doctors waiting room, at the supermarket checkout "Impatience can hide a certain intolerance to frustration. We cannot wait and gets tense when the other (or the situation) imposes restrictions that go against of our own wishes or needs ", explains Amélia Lobbé, clinical psychologist.
Serene when things are done at our own pace and in our own way, but we feel stressed and irritable when the situation seems to slip away from us.
Another explanation: dispersion. "The rush can also reflect a lack of focus." We want everything, immediately and at the same time. Otherwise, we get bored, do not persevere, and move on.
What are the negative aspects of this character trait?
Intolerance, impulsivity, dispersion, error of judgment, tendency to aggressiveness are some of the unpleasant consequences. But anxiety is the biggest risk.
"Those who are in a hurry do not live in the present, but in anticipation of the result."
Never happy, they experience an annoyance that they blame the other for or events that never go by fast enough.
Can impatience have some positive aspects?
Assertiveness, creativity, enthusiasm; These are the good sides of impatience. "It is a real engine that pushes us to think outside the box. Source of psychic and physical energy, it helps us to act, to get out of stagnation, to invent solutions. If the door does not open fast enough, we go through the window! ! " Because we hate wasting our time, we are even more encouraged to put it to good use.
Can we learn to be patient?
First, it is better to take responsibility for your impatience "The urgency that you feel within you only concerns yourself. No matter how much you complain about traffic jams or doctor delay, what you experience is a sign that a need she is frustrated. "
So, if we stomp, we ask ourselves what we lack: mobility? We got out of the car to walk. Recognition? We ask what time the doctor will be available. And we have a concrete experience of the passage of time. "Why not dedicate yourself to gardening? It is a school of patience since the fruits of our efforts are savored much later."
"The idea is to recognize that the journey is often as interesting as the result."
What do you gain by being patient?
Taking the time means freeing yourself from the dictates imposed by a society entirely dedicated to immediacy. Experimenting we realize that not everything goes so fast. We also realize that we are doing better. "It is a gift that we give ourselves because, working in our peace of mind, we feel less annoying and more serene, therefore, more efficient."
The icing on the cake: others will thank you. "Accept that we are not in control of our rhythms, nor that our thoughts or emotions calm us. We become more tolerant and less tyrannical." In short, at the end of the rush, freedom.