Nearly Perfect Couples: What Are Their Secrets?
You have to know a few: they seem to have been together forever, and the magic of the first day still operates, never one word higher than the other, always with a smile on his face. How do they manage to be such a perfect and lasting couple?
Reconcile, compose and share
"A couple is made up of two people. The challenge is, therefore, to reconcile moments for oneself and moments for a couple. It is important to allow yourself some personal time for your hobbies, your desires or simply to rest, explains Sonia Lebreuilly, socio-sexologist , who considers that a bubble of individual freedom is, therefore, the key to a lasting couple.
Even so, there are also close-knit couples who live, sleep, eat, cook, walk, bathe, watch series, prepare for a marathon, run their races together almost every day, a passion that unites them. "Couples moments are moments of sharing for two, during which we make ourselves available to each other (without having anything else to do and / or think). This notion of availability is undoubtedly the key to the success of some couples, "says Sonia Lebreuilly.
The secret of a long-term partner is perhaps also and above all to be able to solve this insoluble equation for a certain segment of the population (still single, among others): 1 + 1 = more than one, but less than two. In the end, a lasting partner is first and foremost two people who fantasize about this union that they dream of making last, no matter what awaits them around the corner.
5 tips to make your relationship last
However, there are some tips and tricks. Here are some rules of good manners to follow to the letter when trying to embody this "perfect" couple:
1- Respect the other as a whole with their qualities and their defects (do not do to the other what you would not like them to do to you) as well as their moments of freedom, without trying to make one perfect because perfection itself does not exist , we can never repeat it enough.
2- Spending time with your partner and being by their side at all times: this is perhaps the only real secret of long-lasting couples. Stick together through thick and thin, for better or for worse as they say. Which brings us to the third point.
3- Accept that total happiness does not exist but believe in the moments of happiness that usually happen in a married life of ups and downs. Because, being in a relationship, is filling yourself with commitments and accepting sometimes to get dizzy with the emotional lifters that you take. In short, be hopeful even in the fog when the road is slippery. Others have been there before you. There is no need to abandon ship at the slightest bang. We return to the first point if you follow it correctly.
4- Admit things, both good and bad. Better a great argument than an unspoken sterile one that will make the couple fall apart at some point, we know that.
5- Meditate on this phrase by the American therapist John Gottman: "A soul mate is not found, it is made. Finally, we must not forget that the small flame of the beginning certainly burns but that little is needed to rekindle it. Every little thing matters.
Why are some couples so alike?
Marriage: marital satisfaction is partly genetic
According to a scientific study published on February 3, 2021 in the journal Scientific Reports, specific genetic variation may be related to traits that are beneficial for married life and marital satisfaction in the first few years after marriage. In other words, because they have a specific variation of a gene, some people would be more satisfied with their marriage.
Research here focused on the so-called "CC" variation of the CD38 gene, which has been associated with higher levels of gratitude. Using data from a previous study of 142 newlyweds (71 couples) whose DNA was genotyped three months after marriage, the researchers were able to observe a correlation between CC variation in the CD38 gene and marital satisfaction. Married couples with the variation in question therefore reported greater satisfaction with their union and greater trust in their partner.
"Individuals with CC were more appreciative of their partner, reported greater trust in their partner, were more forgiving of their partner, and were more satisfied with their marriage than individuals who did not carry the CC variant," the study authors wrote.
But if the CC variant seems to rhyme with a satisfied marriage, the reverse is not necessarily true: it is not because we do not have this genetic variant that we will not have satisfying and successful romantic relationships. However, we may need to work a little more on ourselves.